Life in Pink

The Yellow Brick Road has been a wonderful journey. I want to say a heartfelt thank you to all my readers. Receiving your feedback and even just knowing that you were interested enough in me to read my blogs gave me motivation to write. And writing makes me happy. So thank you :o)

After moving back home to Oz, I felt like The Yellow Brick Road had run its course and I'd finally reached its end. Which is of course not the end at all, but the start of a new chapter in life...

Of course I couldn't stop writing though. And my new years resolution is to blog more regularly.
On that note........I'd like to invite you all to start following my new blog-

Life in Pink
http://lifeinpink-viennerose.blogspot.com.au/

Ive written a few posts so you might want to start from the first entry, to avoid confusion... :o)
Looking forward to an exciting new journey with you all.

Peace and love

Anna x

ode to bunny yaz ♥

♥ i'm just loving these days of freedom with the sun shining, as if the universe is saying to me 'yes, youre back on the right path again now and i'll shine on that'.

i helped out at my incredibly talented cousin giorgia's photo shoot for her new baby clothes range 'cheeky britches' and had a lovely day, getting a taste for a the life of a stylist. i've had lunch on the beach with giorgia, coffee on chapel street with bridie and a picnic on the beach with jerry! really living the life... and making the most of it before i start working again...

i even got the chance to have a long skype chat with my favourite bunny friend, the amazing bunny yasmin.

oh how i miss my bunnies, especially yaz, with her wicked sense of humour and arty eccentricity. what i love most about her is that she's on exactly the same wave length as me. it's not very often that you meet someone who is so similar to you that they have exactly the same hobbies and interests, and who you can cook up a trillion creative ideas with in the space of one phone call. most of the chats i have with yasmin i end up spending laughing my guts up. she has so many hilarious stories and i have to share one of them with you now...

a few years ago she won an english beauty pageant as england's 'miss spain' since her mum is spanish.. she was flown around the world with all the other international contestants to promote the pageant and stage performances, each beauty queen displaying her respective talent. yaz was 'miss spain' but didn't speak a word of spanish and her 'talent' was flamenco dancing, which she had no idea how to do.

they were flown to africa to perform for the king of ghana. it was a grandiose affair with the kings family and all his councillors seated around the stage, all clapping politely at each performance. when it was yaz's turn, she got up and just completely winged it! just invented her own flamenco on the spot!! and for the finale she ripped off the top of her sequined outfit to reveal a matching sequined bikini top underneath! and everyone just clapped politely!
when i heard this story i was in tears.

for yaz's birthday last year i wrote her a poem, which probably has lots of inside jokes that you might not get, but i thought i'd post it anyway:

to yaz; my dearest bunny friend
i'm sad to say we're parting ways
these are all the things i'm gonna miss
of our wonderful playboy bunny days

musical black jack and black jack in spanish
your poems of misery and broken dreams
bludging in the privé massage chair
your jokes and farts in the canteen

ill miss our expeditions and photo shoots
our talks on the world and on every subject
our brainstorming on creative ideas
your 'dont worry, its for my art project!'

ill miss our fun bunny party nights out
pooing in your toilet for the handyman finder
you stealing my things from the bunny hutch
our locker that smells like your vagina!

the way you make everything seem funny
your hilarious stories of beauty queen drama
when i need a giggle i just picture you
flamenco dancing to the king of ghana

to miss spain who only just learnt to say 'hola'
i just know that youre destined for fortune and fame
with simon rolling in the american dollar
soon it'll be in lights that i see your name

you're a diamond in the rough yaz,
youre one in a million
full of life, spirit, soul, pizzazz
Im gonna miss you gazillions

happy birthday to my dear friend yaz,
ill stay in touch... i promise
i dont want to say goodbye to you
so ill just say 'adios, nos vemos'.


:o)

Freeeeeeeeee!!!

 

Ah there's nothing like the feeling of freedom after you've been trapped for a long time in a dark place. That dark place was for me the real-estate industry, which engulfed the past month of my life, six long days a week, becoming seven even!

on saturday i threw in the towel, explaining to my boss that i could feel it in my heart that it wasn't the right path for me. i had somehow imagined a future as a real-estate agent and busted my guts to get the job. i tried my best at doing the job well too... but i was like a fish out of water. or oil trying to mix with water, or something along those lines, you get my gist. the whole vibe repelled me.

there's a good reason people hate real estate agents. because they're salesmen! always hunting for the kill. and to be good at it you must master the arts of trickery, pretence, manipulation and intimidation. its psychology at its most cunning and you don't leave it at work.. it creeps around, follows you home...

i found myself befriending neighbours in the lift, purely to see if they were thinking of selling their flats; leaving shortbread on an old ladies doorstep, of course with the note 'i would love to help you sell your home'..; buying get well cards for strangers; hand delivering letters, all with the aim to reel people in. each day i sat on the phone and called 100 people from my database, hunting for appraisals. you know those infuriating indian telemarketers that call you every day? i now feel their pain.... 'dont take it personally' my colleagues told me. i tried different tactics, different voice tones, different diaologues..... but people know when you want something, and no matter how much you try to shake it off, a harsh rebuke and a hang-up in the face is negative energy.

i don't know if i became someone else in that month or if i just suppressed the good parts of my personality... but the whole thing definitely felt like a long morbid, soulless dream, from which i'm very glad to have woken.

though i'm now unemployed again, i feel reborn, liberated, energized, back to my bubbly self, with a new-found joy for life! i'm flooded with creative inspiration and motivation! maybe it was a good thing, experiencing the loathsome world of corporate sales, because it's kicked me back on track again!

my mum discovered a fantastic sounding course called 'professional photo, film, tv and personal stylist's' course, which i've enrolled in for next month! they say there's a huge demand for stylists and guarantee to find you your first job in the industry... i can see myself as a costume stylist for film or theatre. i would love that in fact!

here's to a new chapter! and to feeling like myself again!

:o)

smelling roses

❉ i just loooove this balmy weather! hot summer nights like these are one of my favourite things about australia. what a beautiful country this is, so much more so after my long absence.

i guess i haven't really expressed how happy i am to be home, have i?... i am :o)
in the beginning i went through a short period of reverse culture shock and i still have slight anxiety about putting away my traveling shoes and settling down... is that normal?.. i'll never stop being jealous of other peoples travel plans, but there's something to be said for making a home somewhere too and that feeling of belonging.... it will come with time, to me and hopefully to jerry too.

my problem is that i think about everything too much and wish that i could just stop and enjoy life. that woman who was supposedly the longest living woman in the world at 120something years old, said that her secret was drinking port-wine, eating chocolate every day, and not stressing about anything. wow! the port and the chocolate are easy to do, but how do you manage to not stress?! i guess monks wouldn't stress, and all truly enlightened people really for that matter... how nice that would be, to be so above things like shitty traffic and running late and not getting job offers or having enough money... and to actually realise that nothing's really worth worrying over, or that worrying doesn't help anyway.

between the worries of being in limbo, i find happiness in small moments each day...  dancing with jerry to lionel ritchie in the lounge room, driving with the roof down on palm-lined streets, music sing-along wars in the car (stevie nicks on gold fm vs. jerry's house music mix cd), lazy breakfasts on the balcony, smothering my pot-plants (to death, in the case of the coriander), and most of all (still).. our morning walks along the beach. in a way i enjoy making the list of things to do when we have proper jobs and money to fritter... we'll definitely enjoy them all the more for having done without....

have a good weekend my lovelies... smell the roses, drink some port-wine and dont stress! :o)

oh camilla

❄ in flinders lane there lies a beautiful italian restaurant, legendary and timeless with magnificent mosaic floors, high ceilings, cherub statues, chandeliers, vast marble bartop (behind which works a very cute and familiar swedish boy)... and at the front door, next to the marble pillar holding the reservation book, you'll find me, in a pretty dress and high heels. yes i'm now the hostess at Rosati, and i will meet you and greet you and escort you to your table should you wish to come and dine with us of a friday or saturday night.

it's just a casual job until i break into my new career, but it came at the perfect time. and i still get to spend the weekend with jerry while he's working :o)

the rest of my weekend was spent at lovely lazy barbecues with friends and family, enjoying good food, glorious sunshine and great company. oh how much more i prefer a good sunday barbecue lunch than a saturday night out on the piss!.... which is a sign that i actually am now officially old.

and old friends are the best thing about being old. my darling friend sarah came to stay and we went to southbank to meet old friends sarah H and pat for a lovely luncheon catch up, followed by a trip to the recently discovered Camilla boutique in malvern road...

one could die in that shop. the beauty, the decadence.... racks and racks of pure glorious silk: luxurious kaftans, playful jumpsuits, floaty flowing gowns in rainbow colours, silk shoes, silk fringed vests, silk undies and camis and turbans and kimonos. dreamy is the word that best describes it.

sarah and i tried some pieces on and then prized ourselves away, teased, tantalized and tormented. 'when we're rich we'll come back and buy the whole shop' we promised.

later, after my work and her friends hens party, we drank port wine on the balcony, with the muffled roar of st kilda nightlife in the background, and chatted about life and love and how if the truth be known, we both just want to be artists.

:o)

seven deadly sins

✽ in the mornings, the sun shines through the palms that overhang our balcony and cast jungle shadows on our white walls. we leave the blinds open because its so nice to wake up to... i make sure to practice the secret, taking mental notes of such things to be grateful for. apparently this gratefulness will attract more things to be grateful for... such as... perhaps...a job.

by lunch time the washing is done and i'm back lying on my bed, still in pijamas, eating cadbury's favourites (not even mine- but jerry's valentines present from me!) ..and feeling very unemployed.

how can it be this hard to start a new career...?! ..and why have i waited so long to start one?! no, i don't regret any of my travels and adventures, but now i'm really head-butting the wall. i feel exactly like that lazy grasshopper from that story.

my cousin assures me that its normal i'm feeling crappy- changing careers is one of the 5 top causes of stress, along with divorce and marriage... and whatever else.
i wonder: maybe i'm not made for the serious job world... and all these people copping my CV in their inboxes can see that too...

i eat some more chocolates, then head to the bathroom to pick a few pimples, where i catch my reflection. what a gluttonous sloth i am! in fact today in particular i suspect my soul to be infested with all seven of the deadly sins. i quickly google them just to confirm. yep. sloth, greed, gluttony, wrath, envy, lust and pride. well, actually maybe not lust or pride.. but definitely the others.

it starts raining outside (ahh melbourne) and my phone dings with a sweet message from jerry who's at work. i admire him so much! he's totally landed on his feet in australia while i'm the one lost in my own country!

its time to stop being so useless. tomorrow morning i have another interview and then my friend sarah is coming to stay. we're going to go out for lunch and try on camilla kaftans, pretending to be able to afford them. it's going to be a beautiful day and i'm not going to feel unemployed or sorry for myself. and no more cadbury's favourites.

:o)

our new place in melbourne!

The visa to Oz!!!!!!

❉ i was able to have a little sleep in this morning since my morning swedish class had been cancelled. when i woke up, jerry was still sound asleep, so i lay in bed and quietly checked my emails.

sitting there in my inbox was a message from our immigration lawyer. my heart skipped a beat. in an anxious panic i clicked the wrong button and sent it to the trash. i fumbled around to open it and quickly scanned over the first sentence..
'.....australian high commission..... jerry's visa....granted'..... i bolted upright, tears exploded from my eyes and i jumped on the sleeping jerry, pounding him and screaming directly into his ear 'WE GOT THE VISA, WE GOT THE VISA!!!' ... the poor thing was so worried and confused at being woken in such a way that he didn't know what was going on. i had to calm myself to get it through to him. 'we......got......the......visa.....!!!!!!!!!'

finally i can go home!

nobody can understand how big this is to me.... i've been traveling for many many years now, and it has been amazing and wonderful, i've met many very special people and had life experiences that i would never cash in...... but when i met jerry three years ago, i was feeling nearly ready to go home.... i was missing it.

we first applied for his visa over two years ago, so we've been waiting for it for two thirds of our entire relationship together! of course we've had loads of fun along the way, but for me there's always been that small sense of waiting... and now after all this time, we've finally got it! jerry cant quite believe it. he was expecting a rejection so this is a huge shock to him.

for breakfast i cracked open a bottle of champagne and we sat in bed and toasted the new australian. we skyped my mum and dad and they were so excited that they cracked open a bottle of bubbly too and drank with us!

i started this blog two years ago after we first applied for the visa. i called it 'the yellow brick road' because it would be about all my adventures on the journey home to Oz.... and now it seems that Oz is finally in sight... but don't worry, its not the end.... just the start of a new adventure! :o)

:o)

'It's showtime'!!

❊ i rushed straight from swedish class to mariatorget, where my google map lead me into a residential area thick with high-rise apartments. as i wobbled in my wedge-heels down side streets and alleys, through gardens and up stairwells, i finally found a warehouse garage door painted black, with 'IT'S SHOWTIME' stenciled on. for a brief moment i hesitated, before opening the door.

fifteen minutes later i found myself stripper-dancing in my jeans and bra, to an imaginary 'sausage man' sitting on a chair, with sleazy strip-club music playing... in the middle of a film set..... on film.

how the hell did that happen?! as far as i knew i was going to a casting for a TV commercial in which i would be an extra, dancing in the background at an after party!

when i walked into the warehouse, I was greeted by a small group of funky young girls and guys who were super cool and who worked in this awesome production studio. they showed me the story board for the tv commercial which was based on a giant sausage. the ad starts off with this sausage man  fist-fighting a famous politician as paparazzi snap away, then ends up at a seedy strip joint where lap-dancers in bikinis bump and grind him as he boozes it up. he then passes out and wakes up in the chair of a tattoo parlour, getting a horrible biker tattoo done and finally crawls back home to the fridge, where he slips back into a packet of sausages. i think the message is something to do with local insourcing...

it was the story board that sold me. it was brilliantly done and seemed like a very quirky concept, somewhat reminiscent of the 'hangover' movies. i told them i hadn't realised that it would be that type of dancing (that must be why the money is so good!) but that what the hell, i would have a crack at it anyway. 

there was no actual sausage man there for the casting, so i had to imagine him sitting on the chair as i danced. afterwards they told me i was very natural and that i'd obviously done it before (no i havent!!)... i guess maybe my burlesque and belly dance classes came in handy! ... as i walked back to the tube station i called jerry who's response was 'oh thats so exciting! i hope you get it!'

:o)

mission: wipe-out

*what i loved about london was the opportunity for excitement.... it seemed that anything you dreamt of doing you could do in london... the book 'the secret'  which i'm reading at the moment, tells you that your life is exactly how you've wished and expected it to be, and that if you want something more, you must wish it into existence (that's a shitty summary of the book. there's so much more to it than that but read it for yourself if you haven't already :o)... i decided to put it out into the universe that i want some excitement in my life.... and sure enough the universe delivered.

i'd registered my profile with an extra agency online when i first arrived in stockholm and hadn't heard a peep from them til yesterday, when all of a sudden i got a phonecall from a man named kid.
kid: 'would you be interested in being a contestant on the tv show 'wipe-out'?'
me: 'isn't that filmed in argentina?'
kid: 'yes it is. of course all expenses would be paid by us'.
me: 'yes i'm interested'
kid: 'great. can you come to a casting tomorrow?'
me: 'yes i can'

oh.... my..... god!!! i hung up the phone, stunned like a mullet, then broke into a wild screaming jumping dancing fit. jerry was both insanely excited for me and insanely jealous... he loves that show and has always wanted to be in it...then he read the information email which included the magic words 'bring along your partner to the casting to enter the couples competition'!!! ... and for me: 'wear the costume that you plan to wear on the show if you go through'..... !!!!
we began to plan 'mission: win wipe-out' i had to think about my costume for about two seconds.... of course i have to go as a bunny.

jerry informed me that he has all it takes to win and that i better start going to the gym to strengthen up because if we lose because of me he may kill me. i had to remind him that it's thanks to me that he's even got a chance to be in the show!

we arrived at the casting today, me in a bunny costume and jerry in a smart bow-tie and short-pants suit. no-one else was dressed up. initially embarrassing till we realised it gave us the advantage.

we killed it in the interview. jerry told me i ate the camera. which must be a swedish expression for coming across well on film. it's all a bit of a blur now, because of the adrenalin, but i remember jumping at the chance to go first, shaking my bunny tail, singing 'hey big spender', saying a stupid thing in swedish which i thought rhymed but actually doesn't and demonstrating the scream i would do if i won.

the prize is 50,000 crowns. 9 days in buenos aires, all expenses paid.
though i don't know if i'm through yet... i just want to say thank you to the secret and to the universe.

:o)

välkommen!!

❄ today i had my swedish introduction class at the folk university.. the lovely teacher monika asked us questions in swedish to determine which level we were at before handing out the level test. after my turn she said 'anna, i dont think we'll bother giving you the test.. we'll just pop you straight in the beginners class' .... and there i was thinking i was pretty good for understanding all the questions! everyone else could answer them in swedish too! 

in the group there were students from egypt, brazil, palestine, eritrea, cuba, gambia and thailand... jerry's comment on that was 'i knew you'd be the only normal one'..(!)
i actually found it fascinating being amongst people from such exotic places, imagining the lives they'd come from and how they'd ended up in sweden of all places...

the teacher told us that the most important thing was to practise our swedish outside of the classroom as well. she asked all the students if we had swedish friends we could speak with and most of them said no! one woman said the only people she could practise on were her small children! i seemed to be the only one who has swedish friends here! in fact i dont know anyone here who isn't swedish! and for that i'm very lucky because they all can't wait for me to be able to speak swedish with them. jerry in particular is very excited about having a good laugh at me. he said he'd love to send a dictaphone along with me to class each day so he could listen back and take the piss.

in fact i know he's very happy that im learning his language (and living in his country) and that's why he's paying for everything and even spoiling me, working double shifts while i stay at home watching 'Idol'!.... though to be fair, i'm also being a very thorough housewife!

while everyone else in the class took the test, monika walked me down the corridor and told me i'll resume full time studies (7 hours a day) tomorrow morning. she showed me where my classroom would be and as we peeped our heads through the doorway, five happy, arabic-looking male faces turned around to greet me... 'välkommen!!!!'

:o)

the tournament

❉ jerry found a proper old-school black jack table in the classifieds, selling for an absolute bargain and we decided we just had to get it. it needs a bit of work; some sanding, a paint job etc, but i'tll be just perfect for the business idea we're conjuring up (which i'll tell you about as soon as we get the go-ahead from the 'lottery inspection' authorities)... :o)

while it's sitting in our apartment we figured we might as well give it some action. so last night we hosted a fabulous black jack tournament slash dinner party. jerry and i put together a sushi and pad thai feast and our friends jesper & rebecca and karin & matthias came over to eat and play.

the tournament was so much fun!! everyone put in 100 crowns each towards the pot so that the game would be more thrilling and i played the part of the bunny croupier, even pulling some bunny ears and a bow tie out of the closet. the more we drank, the more rowdy the game became and the more aggressively competitive everyone became until it was downright cut-throat..

rebecca got so edgy she had to turn away each time she drew a card, matthias refused to share his tricks, even telling karin she was on her own, jesper, who was sitting at the end of the table and drawing the last card, was angrily demanding the credit for everyone winning each time i busted. though being the dealer i couldnt win, even i became a little ruthless, whooping and jeering when i hit black jack and raked in their losing chips, offering shoddy advice on doubling and splitting and scolding them to stop touching their bets. but jerry was the worst, furiously screaming and cursing, chucking tantrums and punching the air, going off to sulk in the corner, calling people idiots, even threatening rebecca with a cattle prod every time she was a bit slow to place her bet. i had to remind him that it was just a game and just 100 crowns!...

matthias took the pot at the end, with rebecca coming in a close second. despite nearly murdering each other, everyone admitted it was a cracking night and that we absolutely must do it again soon...
:o)
 

the phallus

 ❊ today i trekked through the rain to the grungy south of stockholm city to meet my job coach, 'greta', a quirky and spirited lady with a fabulously wicked laugh. she's intent on helping me find my dream job and always has suggestions for events i might be interested in; joining a barbershop choir, meeting the famous artists and actors of stockholm at a media culture event, attending a start-your-own business fair...
she told me i was much calmer in today's session and that last time we'd met i'd seemed so hyperactive and bubbling with energy that she wondered if i needed to do some painting to calm down!

this diagnosis and remedy fascinated me... i realised i'd actually quite like to do some painting! i'd already searched online and found an amazing sounding life-drawing workshop called 'atelier stockholm' where you learn to draw the figure renaissance style.. i bought pencils and a drawing pad especially for it but every thursday night something else has come up and i've missed the class...

i'd also been meaning to go to the robert maplethorpe photography exhibition at the grand 'fotografiska' museum for ages, and today i finally went with my friend rebecca. what a fabulously shocking exhibition! there were so many huge black penises in that gallery that we couldn't stop gasping! the man was truly obsessed with the phallus! even his photos of flowers looked like penises! and mixed in with his self-portraits was one of him bending over with a leather whip dangling out of his anus! imagine how much more shocking his pictures would have been back in the 80's, especially during the aids epidemic... we discussed penises for quite a while and as we left, suspected that tonight our dreams will be swarming with penises!

:o)

stockholm, im back!

❉ so here i am, sitting at a candlelit window table in the cosy local restaurant/bar 'aubergine', nibbling at a chevre cheese salad with my laptop open and the bangles playing in the background... outside it's getting dark and cold, as autumn sets in over stockholm city.

how is it that i seem to have switched lives so quickly and so completely?! it was only the other day that i was living in london, working as a playboy bunny, dealing roulette in mayfair.... and last you heard from me, i hated it.
it was during this period that i took a holiday to visit jerry who was working for a few weeks at a festival in a quaint and lovely swedish island village called Visby. after a magical few days strolling the cobbled streets and drinking way too many cocktails, we flew across to stockholm for a friend's wedding.

as we were walking down busy Sveavägen, the sun shining down on us, Jerry stopped in the middle of the street and with a big cocky smile on his face, he took a big dramatized breath in. 'can you smell that?' he asked me.... 'what?' i asked with scorn, waiting for something ridiculous. 'the superiosity!!!'... he gloated.
'pfff, there's no such word!' i scoffed back at him. lately he'd become increasingly miserable in london and at every opportunity he'd rant on about how much better sweden was.
but i think the happiness i saw in him at that moment was what made me agree to move back to stockholm, that and the fact i wasn't really enjoying the bunny job.

and then, as it always is, after i made the decision, i instantly began to love the job, realised how much i loved london with its action, its opportunities, how its grey skies and dirty seedy streets had crept under my skin and into my heart.
my last day at playboy i was a mess. standing at the roulette table, wearing my bunny costume for the last time, i looked around at my bunnies who i'd been through such an amazing rollercoaster ride with, and who i realised i loved so dearly, and i couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face... all day i was crying at the drop of a hat....

i cried when my best bunny friend yasmin finished her shift, i cried as i hugged 'the colonel' (one of our moody regular customers) goodbye, i cried to security as i handed in my bunny costume which i loved even though it was so tight it prevented me from breathing in and digesting food properly. i cried to my boss when he told me i'd always be welcome back and i sobbed on the shoulder of each and every inspector and bunny that i hugged goodbye.... if only i'd realised sooner how much i loved that place...

anyway, a change is as good as a holiday and though the goodbyes are hard, i'm always very fond of starting a fresh.....

i flew into stockholm with 80 kilograms of luggage that i somehow didn't have to pay any excess for, and that in actuality was my whole life.... though i do complain about being a gypsy nomad, i also do feel a little bit thankful that i have so few strings attached that i'm able to just pack up and move countries so easily.

i had a special feeling arriving in sweden again, knowing it would be my new home. i love sweden for its utopian social system, its clean and safe streets, its beautiful people, its free education, its amazing night-life.... and for the lovely friends we have here...
we were lucky enough to land a gorgeous cosy little apartment right downtown so that we can walk everywhere and rarely have to catch the tube...
and because i'm classified as a 'new swede', the government here is paying for me to study swedish full time and giving me an allowance while i study. they're paying a lady to be my own personal job coach and they'll pay any employer who hires me 80% of my salary... what a country!! if only australia was as welcoming to jerry :o/

we're still waiting on the australian visa decision so who knows how long we'll be here...but at least we're happy in the meantime....
:o)





 

piss

❉ standing at roulette table 2 with no customers, goose-bumps from the loathed air-conditioner that mistakenly thinks it's summer outside in london, busting to pee and wishing away the long hours of my last day of work before my weekend.

shift work has completely knackered me. according to a tv show my brother watched, shift-workers are 3 times more likely to get cancer. apparently your body clock is set from birth and you can't adjust it. your body will only heal itself during certain hours of the night, if you're sleeping.... 

my body clock has no idea what time it is, what day it is, who's body its in, when it will sleep next... and when i do sleep it's a shallow, tortured slumber, racked with harrowing nightmares. i turn around to roulette table 1 to ask Bunny M if she's been sleeping well... she tells me she's been sleep-walking, dreaming of gypsy thieves, and woken to find herself sitting at the end of the bed in the dark, flicking her cigarette lighter on and off in front of her face! though it sounds quite scary, i cant help but laugh, which makes me need to pee even more.

a customer joins my table and my laughter fades. there's nothing to laugh about around these gamblers. the other night when one particularly rude customer lost all his money in one spin, i couldn't help but sneak a quick smirk and he almost pounced at me 'Its not funny!!' ....'of course it's not sir. i was thinking about something else.' i responded, pondering whether karma is wild and rampant in casinos.

when my table is empty again, i turn around to ask Bunny M how she responds to rude customers. 'i do the devil symbol with my hand at them under the table'.
i look at her demonstrating under the table and she's doing that rock-n-roll hand gesture!! now i'm cackling uncontrollably.

the thing is i'm not really enjoying being a croupier. and i'm missing jerry desperately. everything reminds me of him;  the number 24 on my roulette wheel reminds me of him, katy perry singing on the radio reminds me of him.... even my burning bloody UTI reminds me of jerry.

it was in sweden the last time i had a UTI this bad, just after i'd had my boobs done and couldn't get out of bed without help. i was in agony from surgery and the UTI had attacked me while i was down. knowing that i'd be busting all night, and wouldn't be able to get up to go to the toilet, i asked jerry whether he minded if i just lay a towel down and piss the bed if i needed to. he agreed. that to me is the definition of true love.

'i'm on the edge' i say to Bunny M. i dont mean just the pee, i mean everything. the job, london, everything... maybe i'm just missing jerry..

:o)

graveyarding, chick-fixing, slide-showing, miss-mia-meowing, jerry missing, me-time :o)

 spot me in the picture?

✥ i've just finished a week of the 'graveyard shift' at work. 6am -2pm, which means waking up at 4am and going to bed at 8pm....very wierd at first. normally i'm coming home from work at 4am so it took a night of tossing and turning in bed, sculling a bottle of rescue remedy, counting sheep and listening to meditation podcasts to get me into the sleeping pattern. but after a while i enjoyed the graveyard... walking to the bus stop in the fresh dawn, the streets deserted and quiet, knowing i was up before everyone else and making the most of the morning, the big english breakfast served at work, loads of breaks because there were no customers.... it was alright for a week.

jerry's in sweden for the whole of july, working at a club on a swedish island that hosts a big party festival every summer. he's done it for years and loves it, so i'm happy for him but i also miss him! so i've decided to use all this 'me time' that i have on my hands as productively as possible. i've absorbed myself into a couple of great books, i've been playing around recording some songs on my laptop with 'garageband' which is really fun to use, i've been getting back into my tarot cards, been shopping for sushi-making ingredients, writing letters to my grandparents and watching period dramas which jerry refuses to watch with me.

and lots is going on right now to keep me from despairing at jerry's absence...
the reality tv show that i was involved in earlier this year, 'house of grazia', has since been renamed 'chick fix' (i think i preferred the former :o/) and is now airing on sky living! it's quite exciting, though i'm sure ill be embarrassed at how i come across on film, as usual... it should be a good watch, so if you have sky, here's the link:
http://skyliving.sky.com/top-shows/chick-fix#girls

the student film 'miss mia meows' that i worked on set for late last year had its premiere while i was away in thailand. i was so disappointed to miss it, since i had loved so much working on set for it. though i originally got the job as assistant art director, i was also asked to fill in for an extra that didn't show and that was loads of fun! i watched a sneak preview on the London college of communication webiste and spotted myself in one of the first scenes, walking into the bar in a blue velvet dress with a fox hanging over my shoulder... see if you can spot me:
http://www.lcc.arts.ac.uk/showcase/video-showcase/ba-film-and-television%20graduation-trailers-2011/

our wedding photographer pam has just sent us a slideshow of photos from the wedding. i've been eagerly awaiting these photos and was overjoyed at how they turned out. in the background of the slideshow is the song i sang to jerry at the wedding and the song my brother sang as i came down the aisle (walked across the beach)...the whole slideshow is so beautiful that i cried for 10 minutes straight while watching it, then had to watch it again and cry again. i just cant believe what a wonderful job she's done of it... i feel like the whole mood of the day and night has been captured. if you'd like to see it, here's the link:
http://www.pamfolio.com/galleries/annajerry/

tomorrow night jerry comes back to london for the weekend to work at the club. im missing him so much ive decided to follow him to work!  it'll also be nice to see all my old colleagues who i havent seen since i quit to work for playboy...

tonight im curling up in bed to watch my new period drama 'mildred pierce', with some chai tea and some cadbury's chocolate....

peace to you all

:o)

the game of chance

'he must love you a lot'.... i'm caught off guard by the punter standing to the side of my table, admiring my wedding ring which twinkles in the casino lighting. 'what's your name sweetheart?'... 'im bunny anna'.

after two months of intense bunny training, im now a qualified croupier and playboy bunny! me and 50 other lovely london bunnies can be found on the roulette and black jack tables of the world famous playboy club, just re-opended in mayfair, london.

i kept very hush-hush throughout the training, partially due to a clause on social-networking about playboy, but mainly because i was too busy to blog. i squeezed the full time bunny training around my nanny job and my weekend job at the club and was working 70 hour weeks with double shifts back to back on fridays and saturdays, all while planning a wedding! it was a marvelous feat if i do say so myself!

the 10 week training was fabulous. the main point was to learn roulette, which seems like a very easy game of chance where the croupier just spins the ball and hands out chips, but in actual fact it's extremely complex, with strict rules on procedures and it requires mathematical skills verging on genius. as bunny croupiers, we were to learn to do it all with 'style, flair and grace'. eyes up, shoulders back, playboy pinky fingers extended, smile!, voissin by fifty, 5, 8, 10 and 11 and the neighbours by 5, 'no more bets thank you!!'

while we learnt we laughed, we cried, and we forged amazing friendships. after all, we were 50 girls, london's finest and loveliest, all in the same position, all searching for some excitement, some glitz and glamour, to be a part of the history making as london playboy club re-opens after 50 years...

each week, different managers and high profiles would come to watch us practise, so we were to be perfectly groomed every day. high heels, glossy hair, manicured nails, dressed in our best. it sounds exhausting but we loved it! an excuse to dress up and look fabulous each day! the PR team would also come in to choose different girls for various publicity jobs; playboy perfume tv ad bunnies, Union Jack bunnies who would meet and greet with Heff at the grand opening, Grand Prix bunnies, Monaco private yacht bunnies, bunnies sent to Marbella, Catwalk bunnies and Media bunnies.

i was overjoyed to be chosen as a media bunny, who are to do all tv, magazine and newspaper interviews.. we were sent to a professional studio to do journalism training with big name journalists, who prepared us for tricky questions, how to avoid having our words twisted, and how to get our message across while remaining positive and upbeat. they did mock interviews of each of us, on film and made us watch them back as they picked good and bad points. i was put on the spot a few times and felt like i handled it quite well.. i must have because i was asked to do a BBC interview but unfortunately it collided with my thailand trip. 

on the 'friends and family night', before the grand opening, we were each allowed to bring two guests to a cocktail party at the playboy club, to which all the bunnies from the 1960's were also invited. i brought jerry and my girlfriend igne and we had a fabulous night, sipping champagne and talking to the old bunnies who told us they had the time of their lives as bunnies in the 60's. they were making more money than their fathers and they hung out with the rolling stones, the beatles, clint eastwood, frank sinatra and all the other celebs who were regular patrons back then. we did a little photo shoot in our bunny costumes and then had dinner in the playboy restaurant.

how the club and clientele would be was a huge mystery to us and extremely exciting, as was the prospect of big tips... rumours circulated about how much other croupiers in mayfair casinos were making and we began making plans for how we'd spend our fortunes...

after a fabulous wedding holiday, i'm struggling to get back into the grind. i guess every new job takes a bit to get used to..... the clientele are not exactly what we expected and neither are the tips but its still early days.. the best thing about the job is seeing all the bunnies each day... we get ready together in our 'bunny hutch', squeezing into our tailor made bunny suits, complaining about stolen ears and missing tails, bitching about annoying customers and graveyard shifts while curling our hair and donning our makeup. though we're desensitized to it now, it would be quite a surreal scene to an outsider... 

up on the gaming floor, its all about luck. superstition is thick in the air, dollar signs flash in everyones eyes as they test their luck, wait for their numbers to come up, curse and order 'change dealer' when the bunny deals them nothing, tips and 'darling' when the bunny spins their number. luck is everything.

'which number do you think i should i bet on?' the guy at my table asks me. 'i think you should listen to your heart'. i reply with a wink. he sizes up my bunny costume. 'your husband must be a very lucky man'.

;o)

newlyweds

 


"There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage".  ~Martin Luther

i found that written in our wedding guest book, by my godmother, neatly written amongst all the other warm wishes and declarations of love, scrawled by our half-pissed friends and family on the magical night of our wedding.....

yes, i am now a married woman. i know i abandoned you for a while there readers, but now i am back, and i am back a Missus.
'do you feel different?' all the bunnies ask me... i think about it... 'not really', except for when i have to refer to jerry as my husband. that makes me feel married..., old..., out of the game.....all of which i am.
and life feels different now. not because i'm a wife, but because for over a year we'd been planning our wedding. it was a creative outlet for me, in styling and designing the outfits and accessories, the decorations and table decor, the special activities that would make the night so unique and magical. it swallowed all my spare time but it was something to look forward to...

now i don't quite know what to do with myself, other than wallow in my bed, scrolling through the hundreds of wedding photos again and again, trying to relive that wonderful day, moment by moment, milk ever last bit of energy from it, that perfect day that i never wanted to end.

i know most brides will say that their wedding day was the best days of their lives, but let me tell you that mine in particular was a cracking bloody wedding. everyone there said so and i know they weren't just saying it. i could see it in their faces, their sweaty smiling faces as they danced around in bare feet, drunk and happy and having the time of their lives.

it was what dreams are made of; set on a beach in tropical paradise (koh samui, thailand) with the warm sea breeze, the canopy of coconut trees strung with pink fairy lights, white linen tables on the sand, a delicious thai buffet, live music by the fabulous sam & sam, and 80 of the people we love most in the world, all together for the first time, celebrating love in general, and mine and jerry's love in particular.

my bridesmaids looked heavenly in their pastel silk skirts, their vintage hair and pearls, their beautiful faces done up so they looked like 1940's hollywood starlets. we crowded into the thai fishing boat, our skirts filling it with a pool of colour, the sea around us a calm bliss in contrast to our nervous excitement, as we glimpsed the guests on the beach in the distance, all waiting for us to arrive. dad helped me out of the boat and onto shore, looking dapper in his suspenders and fedora. with one arm in his and the other holding my lace parasol, i walked along the beach knowing that this was the moment, the feeling that i would remember forever.

jerry and his handsome groomsmen were lined up at the tent in their tailored ivory suits and waistcoats and my heart just melted when i looked at jerry, so clean-cut and gorgeous and just as overwhelmed with happiness as i was. i heard mass weeping as i neared the tent and seeing my mum's tear-streaked face made me choke up for a second, but then i held it together...

we were married by my godmother in a beautiful ceremony on the sand, which was followed by a buddhist monk blessing and a love-tree plantation, both organised by the resort and which turned out to be very quirky and novel. the dinner was lovely, scattered with heartfelt and humorous speeches. mine and jerry's was last and we had to wing it. we'd had too much to organise to think about a speech. but we thanked everyone and at the end i announced my surprise for jerry. i'd learnt a beautiful song by angus and julia stone called 'the wedding song' and my brother came up on stage to accompany me singing it. it was about building a life together and making babies on the beach under the stardust. it was so perfect for the occasion that it seemed to have been written for us and i sang it to jerry as he cried, along with everyone else.

the night was perfect. the people from the resort had been at the temple praying for no rain and buddha must have heard them because it rained every day that week except for our wedding day. we had a beautiful overcast sky, perfect for photography and as the sun set over the water behind us, the sky turned purple. we had a polynesian dance show, fire twirlers and then we all lit 80 paper sky lanterns and sent them off in the sky together. later on kevin and steve put on a fireworks display on the beach, which was a surprise present to us. we had the bouquet toss and the garter throw and then on the stage sam and sam started an open-mic show where all the singers from the party (and there were loads!) got up to perform while everyone danced along. mum did her famous tina turner impression while we aussies taught the swedes to dance the nutbush. we twirled our skirts on that grass dance floor til 3am. then i dragged jerry from the beach to bed.

we couldn't have imagined a better wedding. it really was magical.
after an amazing two weeks in thailand, we said sad goodbyes to our families and friends and returned to london to begin a new chapter of life.... as newlyweds.
love to you all... its nice to be blogging again!
♡

I'm back!! Did you miss me?

I'm lounging in a hotel room in Reading, waiting for my room service to arrive (a grilled vegetable salad with roquette and toasted pumpkin seeds and a glass of merlot) compliments of House of Grazia, where I'm headed back to tomorrow for day 3 of filming.. Im so excited!! I'm sure they have lots of surprises in store for me, which I have to keep hush hush about (oh the mystery and the intrigue!)

Sorry for being such a slackarse blogger.. It's been a monkey on my shoulder this whole time since my last blog.. My excuse is that Apple have robbed me of my darling beloved MacBook (as well as an arm and a leg to pay to fix it) and I'm quite lost without it. In fact I feel like my whole life has spun completely out of control without it!! Though jerry has kindly offered me the use of his ipad, I haven't warmed to the thing (have nearly thrown it across the room on several occasions).. It just doesn't love me the way my little laptop does, with it's friendly and familiar screensaver, all my folders of fun and folly, my years worth of photos, my music collection, my gathered bits and pieces, my shortcuts, my lists, my spreadsheets, my wedding planning stuff (!!), my blog inspiration...
Hopefully she'll be returned to me soon with all data intact..

Anyways, what's happened since my last blog...? Lots!!

SWEDISH RESIDENCY
I was granted my permanent Swedish residency!!! Only two weeks after applying!! As they slipped the sticker into my passport at the Swedish embassy, I turned to Jerry with a big grin on my face. His grin was even bigger. 'so my little swedie, are you going to be a good resident and learn the language now?' ..... 'hmmmph... I guess so :o('

WEDDING PLANNING
Jerry and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. We didn't want money from our parents, who firstly, don't have any, and secondly don't expect us to get married (mine aren't even married.. Actually I'm pretty sure jerry's aren't either!)... This means we've had to make a budget, based on how much we can save from our salaries, and try to stick to it... Jerry tries harder than I do. I have the tendency to see something I love and completely disregard the budget. This happened, for instance, with the wedding ring.... I found the most stunning ring, a wreath of glistening diamonds, wrapping all the way around the finger so that any which way you wave your hand around, it leaves a trail of flashes and sparkles... As I slid it onto my finger I had a fairytale moment, like I'd magically transformed into a princess. Just to set the record straight, I've never been a diamond-sort-of-girl; I originally didn't even want one on my engagement ring, it was Jerry who insisted.. But this ring...!
Anyway, it was over twice what our budget allowed, but that didn't stop me begging and pleading, then yelling and screaming. The hugest argument ensued in which we both threatened to return to our own countries, called the wedding off, then retracted only because our guests had already booked tickets and decided to go ahead with it but get divorced straight afterwards, we hissed and cursed at each other, spat the most disgusting insults that we could muster up.. I'm sure if we owned swords we would have duelled til the death!
Jerry called me superficial, materialistic, a fraud, a different girl than the one he'd fallen in live with.. I called him a tight-fisted, penny-pincher. He reminded me that he'd paid for my boobs and our holiday to Thailand among other things. I took it back sheepishly and instead called him a miserable grumpy old man.
It ended like all our arguments, with Jerry taking most of the blame and me admitting to a very small amount. :o)
Then hugs and kisses and 'i love you's as usual..
I agreed to consider other rings though I'm still secretly hoping I can hack him down with guilt and my feminine persuasion...

THE 80's PARTY
One of the things I love most about working for 'the club' is the steady stream of staff parties!! The 80's party weekend before last was an absolute rip-snorter!! Of course anything to do with dressing up in costumes makes me jump for joy, and most interestingly, (and something I consider a personal victory) is that Jerry who once detested and downright refused to dress up in fancy dress, now loves it like me!! He even suggested a shopping trip to primark for the occasion!!
The 1980's is a particularly fun theme since it's so colourful and eccentric. Walking to the tube station in our fluro colours, glittery spikes and Mohawk, fingerless gloves, Michael Jackson badges, Jerry in MY slashed jeans, we looked around and realized how boring, fashionwise, the twenty teens (or whatever the hell you call this decade) are... Everyone was in black and grey!!
We proceeded to the party where we got very pissed on free booze and the flashes I have of the night are of stealing drink tickets from the non-drinkers, having a lap-dance-off on stage with Abas and Fannie, crying because I didn't say goodbye to Luis before he left, rolling around on the carpet with my boss, popping the tyres in the taxi, roaming the streets with top-gun sandy and a group of others, getting into an argument with a club promoter and calling the cops, waking up (with Jerry) in phil's bed while he had to sleep on the couch, and doing the walk of shame home with tattered torquoise tights, a matted Mohawk and purple eyeshadow smeared across a very hungover face. Oh dear...
I was, and still am a child of the 80's...

Gotta go to bed. Must be fresh for house of Grazia.

Love, and other catstrophes
Anna xxxx




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Much ado about nothing

Ahhhh!! My laptop is dead!!! It died in it's sleep the other night, just packed it in and died... I'm so lost without it! Im waiting for an appointment with apple to (hopefully) recucitate it and I'm praying that my data isn't lost since I have my whole life inside that thing, and no back-up on hard drive...I Learnt that lesson the hard way huh...

Anyways, the exciting news since my last blog is that 'house of grazia' called me to tell me that one of the girls pulled out at the last minute and was i still interested in being in the show, and if so, could I catch the train out to their mystery country estate the following evening..!! I was over the moon! I just knew i was supposed to be in it!! I organised a replacement nanny for miss a and packed a bag with my prettiest things...

On the train i signed a legally binding contract to not disclose any details of the goings on of the following few days until after the show has screened...!! How frustrating!! I wish I could but I can't.. I think I'm allowed to say that it was a great experience and I'm really looking forward to going back to the house next month! For anyone who has access to 'sky lifestyle' on tv, the show will be on in June.. I'll let you know which date..

So, well, I guess it's much ado about nothing then...
Sorry for the boring blog!

Xx