piss

❉ standing at roulette table 2 with no customers, goose-bumps from the loathed air-conditioner that mistakenly thinks it's summer outside in london, busting to pee and wishing away the long hours of my last day of work before my weekend.

shift work has completely knackered me. according to a tv show my brother watched, shift-workers are 3 times more likely to get cancer. apparently your body clock is set from birth and you can't adjust it. your body will only heal itself during certain hours of the night, if you're sleeping.... 

my body clock has no idea what time it is, what day it is, who's body its in, when it will sleep next... and when i do sleep it's a shallow, tortured slumber, racked with harrowing nightmares. i turn around to roulette table 1 to ask Bunny M if she's been sleeping well... she tells me she's been sleep-walking, dreaming of gypsy thieves, and woken to find herself sitting at the end of the bed in the dark, flicking her cigarette lighter on and off in front of her face! though it sounds quite scary, i cant help but laugh, which makes me need to pee even more.

a customer joins my table and my laughter fades. there's nothing to laugh about around these gamblers. the other night when one particularly rude customer lost all his money in one spin, i couldn't help but sneak a quick smirk and he almost pounced at me 'Its not funny!!' ....'of course it's not sir. i was thinking about something else.' i responded, pondering whether karma is wild and rampant in casinos.

when my table is empty again, i turn around to ask Bunny M how she responds to rude customers. 'i do the devil symbol with my hand at them under the table'.
i look at her demonstrating under the table and she's doing that rock-n-roll hand gesture!! now i'm cackling uncontrollably.

the thing is i'm not really enjoying being a croupier. and i'm missing jerry desperately. everything reminds me of him;  the number 24 on my roulette wheel reminds me of him, katy perry singing on the radio reminds me of him.... even my burning bloody UTI reminds me of jerry.

it was in sweden the last time i had a UTI this bad, just after i'd had my boobs done and couldn't get out of bed without help. i was in agony from surgery and the UTI had attacked me while i was down. knowing that i'd be busting all night, and wouldn't be able to get up to go to the toilet, i asked jerry whether he minded if i just lay a towel down and piss the bed if i needed to. he agreed. that to me is the definition of true love.

'i'm on the edge' i say to Bunny M. i dont mean just the pee, i mean everything. the job, london, everything... maybe i'm just missing jerry..

:o)

graveyarding, chick-fixing, slide-showing, miss-mia-meowing, jerry missing, me-time :o)

 spot me in the picture?

✥ i've just finished a week of the 'graveyard shift' at work. 6am -2pm, which means waking up at 4am and going to bed at 8pm....very wierd at first. normally i'm coming home from work at 4am so it took a night of tossing and turning in bed, sculling a bottle of rescue remedy, counting sheep and listening to meditation podcasts to get me into the sleeping pattern. but after a while i enjoyed the graveyard... walking to the bus stop in the fresh dawn, the streets deserted and quiet, knowing i was up before everyone else and making the most of the morning, the big english breakfast served at work, loads of breaks because there were no customers.... it was alright for a week.

jerry's in sweden for the whole of july, working at a club on a swedish island that hosts a big party festival every summer. he's done it for years and loves it, so i'm happy for him but i also miss him! so i've decided to use all this 'me time' that i have on my hands as productively as possible. i've absorbed myself into a couple of great books, i've been playing around recording some songs on my laptop with 'garageband' which is really fun to use, i've been getting back into my tarot cards, been shopping for sushi-making ingredients, writing letters to my grandparents and watching period dramas which jerry refuses to watch with me.

and lots is going on right now to keep me from despairing at jerry's absence...
the reality tv show that i was involved in earlier this year, 'house of grazia', has since been renamed 'chick fix' (i think i preferred the former :o/) and is now airing on sky living! it's quite exciting, though i'm sure ill be embarrassed at how i come across on film, as usual... it should be a good watch, so if you have sky, here's the link:
http://skyliving.sky.com/top-shows/chick-fix#girls

the student film 'miss mia meows' that i worked on set for late last year had its premiere while i was away in thailand. i was so disappointed to miss it, since i had loved so much working on set for it. though i originally got the job as assistant art director, i was also asked to fill in for an extra that didn't show and that was loads of fun! i watched a sneak preview on the London college of communication webiste and spotted myself in one of the first scenes, walking into the bar in a blue velvet dress with a fox hanging over my shoulder... see if you can spot me:
http://www.lcc.arts.ac.uk/showcase/video-showcase/ba-film-and-television%20graduation-trailers-2011/

our wedding photographer pam has just sent us a slideshow of photos from the wedding. i've been eagerly awaiting these photos and was overjoyed at how they turned out. in the background of the slideshow is the song i sang to jerry at the wedding and the song my brother sang as i came down the aisle (walked across the beach)...the whole slideshow is so beautiful that i cried for 10 minutes straight while watching it, then had to watch it again and cry again. i just cant believe what a wonderful job she's done of it... i feel like the whole mood of the day and night has been captured. if you'd like to see it, here's the link:
http://www.pamfolio.com/galleries/annajerry/

tomorrow night jerry comes back to london for the weekend to work at the club. im missing him so much ive decided to follow him to work!  it'll also be nice to see all my old colleagues who i havent seen since i quit to work for playboy...

tonight im curling up in bed to watch my new period drama 'mildred pierce', with some chai tea and some cadbury's chocolate....

peace to you all

:o)

the game of chance

'he must love you a lot'.... i'm caught off guard by the punter standing to the side of my table, admiring my wedding ring which twinkles in the casino lighting. 'what's your name sweetheart?'... 'im bunny anna'.

after two months of intense bunny training, im now a qualified croupier and playboy bunny! me and 50 other lovely london bunnies can be found on the roulette and black jack tables of the world famous playboy club, just re-opended in mayfair, london.

i kept very hush-hush throughout the training, partially due to a clause on social-networking about playboy, but mainly because i was too busy to blog. i squeezed the full time bunny training around my nanny job and my weekend job at the club and was working 70 hour weeks with double shifts back to back on fridays and saturdays, all while planning a wedding! it was a marvelous feat if i do say so myself!

the 10 week training was fabulous. the main point was to learn roulette, which seems like a very easy game of chance where the croupier just spins the ball and hands out chips, but in actual fact it's extremely complex, with strict rules on procedures and it requires mathematical skills verging on genius. as bunny croupiers, we were to learn to do it all with 'style, flair and grace'. eyes up, shoulders back, playboy pinky fingers extended, smile!, voissin by fifty, 5, 8, 10 and 11 and the neighbours by 5, 'no more bets thank you!!'

while we learnt we laughed, we cried, and we forged amazing friendships. after all, we were 50 girls, london's finest and loveliest, all in the same position, all searching for some excitement, some glitz and glamour, to be a part of the history making as london playboy club re-opens after 50 years...

each week, different managers and high profiles would come to watch us practise, so we were to be perfectly groomed every day. high heels, glossy hair, manicured nails, dressed in our best. it sounds exhausting but we loved it! an excuse to dress up and look fabulous each day! the PR team would also come in to choose different girls for various publicity jobs; playboy perfume tv ad bunnies, Union Jack bunnies who would meet and greet with Heff at the grand opening, Grand Prix bunnies, Monaco private yacht bunnies, bunnies sent to Marbella, Catwalk bunnies and Media bunnies.

i was overjoyed to be chosen as a media bunny, who are to do all tv, magazine and newspaper interviews.. we were sent to a professional studio to do journalism training with big name journalists, who prepared us for tricky questions, how to avoid having our words twisted, and how to get our message across while remaining positive and upbeat. they did mock interviews of each of us, on film and made us watch them back as they picked good and bad points. i was put on the spot a few times and felt like i handled it quite well.. i must have because i was asked to do a BBC interview but unfortunately it collided with my thailand trip. 

on the 'friends and family night', before the grand opening, we were each allowed to bring two guests to a cocktail party at the playboy club, to which all the bunnies from the 1960's were also invited. i brought jerry and my girlfriend igne and we had a fabulous night, sipping champagne and talking to the old bunnies who told us they had the time of their lives as bunnies in the 60's. they were making more money than their fathers and they hung out with the rolling stones, the beatles, clint eastwood, frank sinatra and all the other celebs who were regular patrons back then. we did a little photo shoot in our bunny costumes and then had dinner in the playboy restaurant.

how the club and clientele would be was a huge mystery to us and extremely exciting, as was the prospect of big tips... rumours circulated about how much other croupiers in mayfair casinos were making and we began making plans for how we'd spend our fortunes...

after a fabulous wedding holiday, i'm struggling to get back into the grind. i guess every new job takes a bit to get used to..... the clientele are not exactly what we expected and neither are the tips but its still early days.. the best thing about the job is seeing all the bunnies each day... we get ready together in our 'bunny hutch', squeezing into our tailor made bunny suits, complaining about stolen ears and missing tails, bitching about annoying customers and graveyard shifts while curling our hair and donning our makeup. though we're desensitized to it now, it would be quite a surreal scene to an outsider... 

up on the gaming floor, its all about luck. superstition is thick in the air, dollar signs flash in everyones eyes as they test their luck, wait for their numbers to come up, curse and order 'change dealer' when the bunny deals them nothing, tips and 'darling' when the bunny spins their number. luck is everything.

'which number do you think i should i bet on?' the guy at my table asks me. 'i think you should listen to your heart'. i reply with a wink. he sizes up my bunny costume. 'your husband must be a very lucky man'.

;o)

newlyweds

 


"There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage".  ~Martin Luther

i found that written in our wedding guest book, by my godmother, neatly written amongst all the other warm wishes and declarations of love, scrawled by our half-pissed friends and family on the magical night of our wedding.....

yes, i am now a married woman. i know i abandoned you for a while there readers, but now i am back, and i am back a Missus.
'do you feel different?' all the bunnies ask me... i think about it... 'not really', except for when i have to refer to jerry as my husband. that makes me feel married..., old..., out of the game.....all of which i am.
and life feels different now. not because i'm a wife, but because for over a year we'd been planning our wedding. it was a creative outlet for me, in styling and designing the outfits and accessories, the decorations and table decor, the special activities that would make the night so unique and magical. it swallowed all my spare time but it was something to look forward to...

now i don't quite know what to do with myself, other than wallow in my bed, scrolling through the hundreds of wedding photos again and again, trying to relive that wonderful day, moment by moment, milk ever last bit of energy from it, that perfect day that i never wanted to end.

i know most brides will say that their wedding day was the best days of their lives, but let me tell you that mine in particular was a cracking bloody wedding. everyone there said so and i know they weren't just saying it. i could see it in their faces, their sweaty smiling faces as they danced around in bare feet, drunk and happy and having the time of their lives.

it was what dreams are made of; set on a beach in tropical paradise (koh samui, thailand) with the warm sea breeze, the canopy of coconut trees strung with pink fairy lights, white linen tables on the sand, a delicious thai buffet, live music by the fabulous sam & sam, and 80 of the people we love most in the world, all together for the first time, celebrating love in general, and mine and jerry's love in particular.

my bridesmaids looked heavenly in their pastel silk skirts, their vintage hair and pearls, their beautiful faces done up so they looked like 1940's hollywood starlets. we crowded into the thai fishing boat, our skirts filling it with a pool of colour, the sea around us a calm bliss in contrast to our nervous excitement, as we glimpsed the guests on the beach in the distance, all waiting for us to arrive. dad helped me out of the boat and onto shore, looking dapper in his suspenders and fedora. with one arm in his and the other holding my lace parasol, i walked along the beach knowing that this was the moment, the feeling that i would remember forever.

jerry and his handsome groomsmen were lined up at the tent in their tailored ivory suits and waistcoats and my heart just melted when i looked at jerry, so clean-cut and gorgeous and just as overwhelmed with happiness as i was. i heard mass weeping as i neared the tent and seeing my mum's tear-streaked face made me choke up for a second, but then i held it together...

we were married by my godmother in a beautiful ceremony on the sand, which was followed by a buddhist monk blessing and a love-tree plantation, both organised by the resort and which turned out to be very quirky and novel. the dinner was lovely, scattered with heartfelt and humorous speeches. mine and jerry's was last and we had to wing it. we'd had too much to organise to think about a speech. but we thanked everyone and at the end i announced my surprise for jerry. i'd learnt a beautiful song by angus and julia stone called 'the wedding song' and my brother came up on stage to accompany me singing it. it was about building a life together and making babies on the beach under the stardust. it was so perfect for the occasion that it seemed to have been written for us and i sang it to jerry as he cried, along with everyone else.

the night was perfect. the people from the resort had been at the temple praying for no rain and buddha must have heard them because it rained every day that week except for our wedding day. we had a beautiful overcast sky, perfect for photography and as the sun set over the water behind us, the sky turned purple. we had a polynesian dance show, fire twirlers and then we all lit 80 paper sky lanterns and sent them off in the sky together. later on kevin and steve put on a fireworks display on the beach, which was a surprise present to us. we had the bouquet toss and the garter throw and then on the stage sam and sam started an open-mic show where all the singers from the party (and there were loads!) got up to perform while everyone danced along. mum did her famous tina turner impression while we aussies taught the swedes to dance the nutbush. we twirled our skirts on that grass dance floor til 3am. then i dragged jerry from the beach to bed.

we couldn't have imagined a better wedding. it really was magical.
after an amazing two weeks in thailand, we said sad goodbyes to our families and friends and returned to london to begin a new chapter of life.... as newlyweds.
love to you all... its nice to be blogging again!
♡

I'm back!! Did you miss me?

I'm lounging in a hotel room in Reading, waiting for my room service to arrive (a grilled vegetable salad with roquette and toasted pumpkin seeds and a glass of merlot) compliments of House of Grazia, where I'm headed back to tomorrow for day 3 of filming.. Im so excited!! I'm sure they have lots of surprises in store for me, which I have to keep hush hush about (oh the mystery and the intrigue!)

Sorry for being such a slackarse blogger.. It's been a monkey on my shoulder this whole time since my last blog.. My excuse is that Apple have robbed me of my darling beloved MacBook (as well as an arm and a leg to pay to fix it) and I'm quite lost without it. In fact I feel like my whole life has spun completely out of control without it!! Though jerry has kindly offered me the use of his ipad, I haven't warmed to the thing (have nearly thrown it across the room on several occasions).. It just doesn't love me the way my little laptop does, with it's friendly and familiar screensaver, all my folders of fun and folly, my years worth of photos, my music collection, my gathered bits and pieces, my shortcuts, my lists, my spreadsheets, my wedding planning stuff (!!), my blog inspiration...
Hopefully she'll be returned to me soon with all data intact..

Anyways, what's happened since my last blog...? Lots!!

SWEDISH RESIDENCY
I was granted my permanent Swedish residency!!! Only two weeks after applying!! As they slipped the sticker into my passport at the Swedish embassy, I turned to Jerry with a big grin on my face. His grin was even bigger. 'so my little swedie, are you going to be a good resident and learn the language now?' ..... 'hmmmph... I guess so :o('

WEDDING PLANNING
Jerry and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. We didn't want money from our parents, who firstly, don't have any, and secondly don't expect us to get married (mine aren't even married.. Actually I'm pretty sure jerry's aren't either!)... This means we've had to make a budget, based on how much we can save from our salaries, and try to stick to it... Jerry tries harder than I do. I have the tendency to see something I love and completely disregard the budget. This happened, for instance, with the wedding ring.... I found the most stunning ring, a wreath of glistening diamonds, wrapping all the way around the finger so that any which way you wave your hand around, it leaves a trail of flashes and sparkles... As I slid it onto my finger I had a fairytale moment, like I'd magically transformed into a princess. Just to set the record straight, I've never been a diamond-sort-of-girl; I originally didn't even want one on my engagement ring, it was Jerry who insisted.. But this ring...!
Anyway, it was over twice what our budget allowed, but that didn't stop me begging and pleading, then yelling and screaming. The hugest argument ensued in which we both threatened to return to our own countries, called the wedding off, then retracted only because our guests had already booked tickets and decided to go ahead with it but get divorced straight afterwards, we hissed and cursed at each other, spat the most disgusting insults that we could muster up.. I'm sure if we owned swords we would have duelled til the death!
Jerry called me superficial, materialistic, a fraud, a different girl than the one he'd fallen in live with.. I called him a tight-fisted, penny-pincher. He reminded me that he'd paid for my boobs and our holiday to Thailand among other things. I took it back sheepishly and instead called him a miserable grumpy old man.
It ended like all our arguments, with Jerry taking most of the blame and me admitting to a very small amount. :o)
Then hugs and kisses and 'i love you's as usual..
I agreed to consider other rings though I'm still secretly hoping I can hack him down with guilt and my feminine persuasion...

THE 80's PARTY
One of the things I love most about working for 'the club' is the steady stream of staff parties!! The 80's party weekend before last was an absolute rip-snorter!! Of course anything to do with dressing up in costumes makes me jump for joy, and most interestingly, (and something I consider a personal victory) is that Jerry who once detested and downright refused to dress up in fancy dress, now loves it like me!! He even suggested a shopping trip to primark for the occasion!!
The 1980's is a particularly fun theme since it's so colourful and eccentric. Walking to the tube station in our fluro colours, glittery spikes and Mohawk, fingerless gloves, Michael Jackson badges, Jerry in MY slashed jeans, we looked around and realized how boring, fashionwise, the twenty teens (or whatever the hell you call this decade) are... Everyone was in black and grey!!
We proceeded to the party where we got very pissed on free booze and the flashes I have of the night are of stealing drink tickets from the non-drinkers, having a lap-dance-off on stage with Abas and Fannie, crying because I didn't say goodbye to Luis before he left, rolling around on the carpet with my boss, popping the tyres in the taxi, roaming the streets with top-gun sandy and a group of others, getting into an argument with a club promoter and calling the cops, waking up (with Jerry) in phil's bed while he had to sleep on the couch, and doing the walk of shame home with tattered torquoise tights, a matted Mohawk and purple eyeshadow smeared across a very hungover face. Oh dear...
I was, and still am a child of the 80's...

Gotta go to bed. Must be fresh for house of Grazia.

Love, and other catstrophes
Anna xxxx




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Much ado about nothing

Ahhhh!! My laptop is dead!!! It died in it's sleep the other night, just packed it in and died... I'm so lost without it! Im waiting for an appointment with apple to (hopefully) recucitate it and I'm praying that my data isn't lost since I have my whole life inside that thing, and no back-up on hard drive...I Learnt that lesson the hard way huh...

Anyways, the exciting news since my last blog is that 'house of grazia' called me to tell me that one of the girls pulled out at the last minute and was i still interested in being in the show, and if so, could I catch the train out to their mystery country estate the following evening..!! I was over the moon! I just knew i was supposed to be in it!! I organised a replacement nanny for miss a and packed a bag with my prettiest things...

On the train i signed a legally binding contract to not disclose any details of the goings on of the following few days until after the show has screened...!! How frustrating!! I wish I could but I can't.. I think I'm allowed to say that it was a great experience and I'm really looking forward to going back to the house next month! For anyone who has access to 'sky lifestyle' on tv, the show will be on in June.. I'll let you know which date..

So, well, I guess it's much ado about nothing then...
Sorry for the boring blog!

Xx

to love and marriage, (and black jack and bunnies)

 

❉ since its been so long since my last blog, ive decided to write an extra long one to make up for it.. drop off as soon as you get bored... :o)

today my 'playboy bunny pack' arrived in the mail. what excitement!! the bunnies will be filling various roles such as receptionist, cashier, cocktail waitress, hostess and croupier. when i received the million dollar phone-call from playboy, their offer to me was for a job as a croupier, for which they would give me two months of paid training. i was thrilled!!! i imagined myself becoming a professional card shark, playing black jack and poker all night, spinning that roulette wheel and dishing out all the winning chips, of course receiving the £1000 chip tips here and there from the high-rollers who'd be regulars at my table... after all, it is an exclusive members club with high membership fees so there's no piss-farting around here.

oh, i've always loved the vibe at casinos and this is gonna be a really fun one! i'm also very excited to wear the iconic bunny costume, which will be tailor-made to fit my curves... is it strange that i'm happy to wear such a skimpy little costume to work everyday? i guess there are a lot of women out there who would never dream of it (wouldn't or couldn't do it) and some who would even disapprove and criticize, and to such people i say 'go and have some fun!'

i suppose it's quite a contentious issue; whether such roles objectify women. we don't and won't ever all agree on it, but it's still interesting to debate. i've never been prudish about my body (perhaps from growing up with hippy parents), in fact i've done life-modelling for art since i was 15. i don't have any medieval notions of the body being sinful. i don't mind flashing a bit of skin and i love wearing costumes... i've been called an exhibitionist more than once, and maybe i am... feeling sexy to me is empowering rather than degrading. i don't feel like a sex object, i feel like a sexual human being, and there's nothing unusual or wrong with that. if women want to wear burkhas to avoid tempting men with their flesh, then they can go ahead, but i'll take the bunny costume over the burkha any day of the week...

one of the great things about jerry is that he encourages me to do whatever makes me happy. there would be some boys who wouldn't like their wife-to-be to get a job as a playboy bunny. jerry's totally supportive and even excited for me! the count-down to the wedding is at the four-month point now and though we've managed to organise a lot of things (the resort, the flights, the invitations, the celebrant, my bridesmaids outfits, the catering and the cake) there's still a whole lot left to organise; the band, the songs, the rings, the vows, the speeches, the table settings... it goes on and on really...  who would've ever thought planning a wedding was such a massive job!!

for once, something was very easy and that was me applying for swedish residency. we figured that it'll be handy for me to have, since we'll move to sweden if jerry's visa application doesn't get through fort knox, otherwise known as australian immigration. at the swedish embassy i was ushered into a small cubicle, and asked questions about my relationship with jerry. at the end of the interview the lady told me i should be granted permanent swedish residency in 8 weeks time!!! ... it seemed too easy to be true!!! we did some googling on 'permanent residency' and apparently it means i can live there, work there, study there for free, and even be entitled to government financial support while i'm studying! what a country!!

of course australia is our plan A. we've just sent off the huge package of documents (which took 6 months just to gather) to our immigration lawyer and in 6-8 months time we might get a response... my brother went through the same ball-breaking process with his costa rican wife, and today is their australian wedding, which i'm very sad to be missing... i spent my evening last night writing a speech, to be read on my behalf by my little brother. i was pretty happy with it in the end.

i take some credit for their relationship, since i was the one who invited caro to a big party we were hosting at our hillside costa rican villa, where my brother met her for the first time. i remember seeing her coming up the driveway, squashed between our two friends english-joe and cyril, in english-joe's army jeep.. i did a double take, having to look twice at her because she was so beautiful. i wondered who this gorgeous girl was, it couldn't possibly be either of their girlfriends since she was far too pretty for them... (my brother has definitely succeeded in batting over his average!)

when my brother and caro started dating i transformed into the psycho jealous evil sister from hell and tried everything to sabotage their romance. i think i even tried to have her kicked out of our cocktail bar one night when they were caught kissing in the VIP room. i definitely handed her her bill before she asked for it... i was just jealous, probably because he'd found love and i hadn't, but also because my brother and best friend in costa rica was being stolen away from me...

when i got to know caro, i realised why my brother had fallen in love with her. she's a rare species like him; lovely, kind, warm-hearted, generous, golden, eternally good.... she welcomed us into her home when we'd lost everything and had no money and nowhere to live. though the cocktail bar had been the best experience of our lives, it also caused us a years worth of hair-pulling, gut-wrenching anxiety and stress. when we moved in with caro, we enjoyed the simple things in life again..cooking, watching movies, laughing. i discovered caro is also hilarious! and she made my brother happy...

i directed my little brother to make a toast at the end of my speech, with a favourite little quote of mine, by michael luenig... 'love each other and you will be happy, it's as simple and as difficult as that'.....

cheers to love and marriage, to my own and to everyone else's. may you all find someone to love who loves you in return, but most of all, who makes you happy...

:o)

vomiting bunny (cuniculus vomitus)

✽ i arrived yesterday morning at miss a's house, feeling a bit funny in the stomach. i tried to toughen up like a good princess, and since it was sunny outside (for once) i dressed miss a up (i love putting together cute outfits from her wardrobe) and took her down kings road for ice-cream. she's so adorable that strangers are constantly complimenting me on her and i have to say that i don't always admit to them that i'm just her nanny.    

when we arrived home i had to rush to the bathroom because something evil and sinister, vile, diabolically foul was brewing inside me and had to spontaneously explode its way out, by any means necessary. i've never vomited through my nose before. it was quite an experience...

in my intervals between bathroom runs, i lay curled up on the couch, groaning in pain, my stomach a tight fist, with miss a running around me chirping 'anna, come chase me! anna come dance with me! '... she followed me into the toilet 'anna's doing wee-wees again'.... 'no sweetie, this isn't wee-wees, i don't think you wanna see this''...

whilst staggering back to the couch, the vague stench of sour vomit hovering around me, my eyes two black holes in my yellow face, my phone began to ring. it was tina from playboy. 'congratulations on becoming a playboy bunny! you made it through the final casting!!'
with all my will i mustered up the strength to sound excited and happy... (of course today i was!!!)

miss a's mum came home early, sent me in a cab straight home to bed, where jerry took care of me, fed me yoghurt, patted my head and told me i'd be much better in the morning... which i was.

:o)

❤ emma charlotte

✩ thursday was the day of the final bunny casting! my aussie girlfriend leah arrived on the same day for an overnight visit on her way to paris, and it was lovely to see her again! she needed a gown for a ball and the dress i'd ordered last minute online for my bunny-casting had arrived big, baggy and saggy so i was very keen to accompany leah on a shopping spree down oxford street.

almost directly after leaving the house, the high heel snapped off one of my boots (previously believed to be chloe, but obviously not!) and as i hopped along through the crowds on oxford circus with one flat and one high-heeled boot, i wondered that my morning of small mishaps might be some sort of omen and that perhaps if i'd been superstitious and checked one of those chinese daily fortune almanacs it would have told me that the stars were not in alignment for my good fortune that day.... ahh, would i have similar bad luck with the bunny casting??! ...with the clock ticking til bunny time, my nerves began fraying at the edges and it took all my energy to not break down in a panic attack!

after rampaging all the dress shops along oxford and regent streets, leah finally found a stunning black gown and i a gorgeous little black mini frock, perfect for winning friends and influencing people...(fingers crossed)

back at home i got ready in record time, with the help of a hot iron and a straight shot of gin and i was off to the party in leicester square feeling ready to knock em dead. 50 pretty little potential bunnies and i gathered in the casino bar and tammy the mother bunny gave us a little speech of encouragement before we hit that cocktail bar to charm the socks of those 10 bosses. there was such high energy in the room that the entire 2 hours seem like one big blur now...

all i remember is feeling like a shark, in a sea of sharks, attacking those bosses, ripping them to shreds, cutting in on each other to savage the remains of their bloody corpses, grinning faces smeared with flesh, eyes wild with the thrill of the massacre. i dont know if i got through... there was some stiff competition... lovely bubbly creatures, cutesy blonde bombshells, amazonian models, latin beauties, some killer personalities, lots of very good sharks....

this time i'm not going to count my chickens. i was emailed by house of grazia on friday, who apologised that i hadn't made it through the final cut for the tv show, and though they'd loved me in the office, the TV channel decided in the end that my story didn't tie in with the other girls stories. obviously since i'd been led to believe i was through, that email felt like a fist grabbing my heart out of my chest. i was on the brink of tears all night at work, and only brought out of my misery by the exciting news that my most adored cousin donna had given birth to a baby girl!! from a gloomy depression i was lifted up to an ecstatic high, and all of a sudden i didn't care at all about tv shows, chloe boots or even bunnies...
welcome to the world emma charlotte!
xxx

♥ burlesque baby!

♥ lost in the cobbled back alleys of shoreditch, i wandered around in search of the venue for my burlesque class and found it just before my iphone's battery gave way and google maps disappeared. i'd forgotten my high heels and leggings at miss A's house and was forced to present myself to the first class in jeans and bare feet. some of the other girls had enthusiastically dolled themselves up in corsets, mini skirts and stay-up stockings and i felt like a real piker...

the teacher, milicent, was a lovely young thing; alabaster skin, red lips and dark hair swept up, wearing the most gorgeous velvet dress and vintage heels. she'd just gotten back from doing a show with deeta von teese and told us that burlesque has given her great traveling opportunities.

we spent the class prancing around in circles, kicking, spinning and dipping, while admiring ourselves in the wall to wall mirrors. she taught us the bump and grind, the kitten walk, the marylin monroe, the starlet pose, a feather boa dance, boob and bum shimmies and 5 ways to seductively remove your gloves with your teeth, your toes and your knees! she assured us that we would eventually learn hundreds of ways to remove gloves, and that we should all choose a favourite for our personal routines!

apparently by the second level, we should have an idea of what type of burlesque dancer we are, we will have created our own stage names and started putting together our own costume! but to begin with, lets master this bump and grind! i kept catching myself with a big silly grin on my face and then scanned the room to find that all the girls had them!

oh... what fun!! i can tell i'm gonna love it!

:o)