Much ado about nothing

Ahhhh!! My laptop is dead!!! It died in it's sleep the other night, just packed it in and died... I'm so lost without it! Im waiting for an appointment with apple to (hopefully) recucitate it and I'm praying that my data isn't lost since I have my whole life inside that thing, and no back-up on hard drive...I Learnt that lesson the hard way huh...

Anyways, the exciting news since my last blog is that 'house of grazia' called me to tell me that one of the girls pulled out at the last minute and was i still interested in being in the show, and if so, could I catch the train out to their mystery country estate the following evening..!! I was over the moon! I just knew i was supposed to be in it!! I organised a replacement nanny for miss a and packed a bag with my prettiest things...

On the train i signed a legally binding contract to not disclose any details of the goings on of the following few days until after the show has screened...!! How frustrating!! I wish I could but I can't.. I think I'm allowed to say that it was a great experience and I'm really looking forward to going back to the house next month! For anyone who has access to 'sky lifestyle' on tv, the show will be on in June.. I'll let you know which date..

So, well, I guess it's much ado about nothing then...
Sorry for the boring blog!

Xx

to love and marriage, (and black jack and bunnies)

 

❉ since its been so long since my last blog, ive decided to write an extra long one to make up for it.. drop off as soon as you get bored... :o)

today my 'playboy bunny pack' arrived in the mail. what excitement!! the bunnies will be filling various roles such as receptionist, cashier, cocktail waitress, hostess and croupier. when i received the million dollar phone-call from playboy, their offer to me was for a job as a croupier, for which they would give me two months of paid training. i was thrilled!!! i imagined myself becoming a professional card shark, playing black jack and poker all night, spinning that roulette wheel and dishing out all the winning chips, of course receiving the £1000 chip tips here and there from the high-rollers who'd be regulars at my table... after all, it is an exclusive members club with high membership fees so there's no piss-farting around here.

oh, i've always loved the vibe at casinos and this is gonna be a really fun one! i'm also very excited to wear the iconic bunny costume, which will be tailor-made to fit my curves... is it strange that i'm happy to wear such a skimpy little costume to work everyday? i guess there are a lot of women out there who would never dream of it (wouldn't or couldn't do it) and some who would even disapprove and criticize, and to such people i say 'go and have some fun!'

i suppose it's quite a contentious issue; whether such roles objectify women. we don't and won't ever all agree on it, but it's still interesting to debate. i've never been prudish about my body (perhaps from growing up with hippy parents), in fact i've done life-modelling for art since i was 15. i don't have any medieval notions of the body being sinful. i don't mind flashing a bit of skin and i love wearing costumes... i've been called an exhibitionist more than once, and maybe i am... feeling sexy to me is empowering rather than degrading. i don't feel like a sex object, i feel like a sexual human being, and there's nothing unusual or wrong with that. if women want to wear burkhas to avoid tempting men with their flesh, then they can go ahead, but i'll take the bunny costume over the burkha any day of the week...

one of the great things about jerry is that he encourages me to do whatever makes me happy. there would be some boys who wouldn't like their wife-to-be to get a job as a playboy bunny. jerry's totally supportive and even excited for me! the count-down to the wedding is at the four-month point now and though we've managed to organise a lot of things (the resort, the flights, the invitations, the celebrant, my bridesmaids outfits, the catering and the cake) there's still a whole lot left to organise; the band, the songs, the rings, the vows, the speeches, the table settings... it goes on and on really...  who would've ever thought planning a wedding was such a massive job!!

for once, something was very easy and that was me applying for swedish residency. we figured that it'll be handy for me to have, since we'll move to sweden if jerry's visa application doesn't get through fort knox, otherwise known as australian immigration. at the swedish embassy i was ushered into a small cubicle, and asked questions about my relationship with jerry. at the end of the interview the lady told me i should be granted permanent swedish residency in 8 weeks time!!! ... it seemed too easy to be true!!! we did some googling on 'permanent residency' and apparently it means i can live there, work there, study there for free, and even be entitled to government financial support while i'm studying! what a country!!

of course australia is our plan A. we've just sent off the huge package of documents (which took 6 months just to gather) to our immigration lawyer and in 6-8 months time we might get a response... my brother went through the same ball-breaking process with his costa rican wife, and today is their australian wedding, which i'm very sad to be missing... i spent my evening last night writing a speech, to be read on my behalf by my little brother. i was pretty happy with it in the end.

i take some credit for their relationship, since i was the one who invited caro to a big party we were hosting at our hillside costa rican villa, where my brother met her for the first time. i remember seeing her coming up the driveway, squashed between our two friends english-joe and cyril, in english-joe's army jeep.. i did a double take, having to look twice at her because she was so beautiful. i wondered who this gorgeous girl was, it couldn't possibly be either of their girlfriends since she was far too pretty for them... (my brother has definitely succeeded in batting over his average!)

when my brother and caro started dating i transformed into the psycho jealous evil sister from hell and tried everything to sabotage their romance. i think i even tried to have her kicked out of our cocktail bar one night when they were caught kissing in the VIP room. i definitely handed her her bill before she asked for it... i was just jealous, probably because he'd found love and i hadn't, but also because my brother and best friend in costa rica was being stolen away from me...

when i got to know caro, i realised why my brother had fallen in love with her. she's a rare species like him; lovely, kind, warm-hearted, generous, golden, eternally good.... she welcomed us into her home when we'd lost everything and had no money and nowhere to live. though the cocktail bar had been the best experience of our lives, it also caused us a years worth of hair-pulling, gut-wrenching anxiety and stress. when we moved in with caro, we enjoyed the simple things in life again..cooking, watching movies, laughing. i discovered caro is also hilarious! and she made my brother happy...

i directed my little brother to make a toast at the end of my speech, with a favourite little quote of mine, by michael luenig... 'love each other and you will be happy, it's as simple and as difficult as that'.....

cheers to love and marriage, to my own and to everyone else's. may you all find someone to love who loves you in return, but most of all, who makes you happy...

:o)

vomiting bunny (cuniculus vomitus)

✽ i arrived yesterday morning at miss a's house, feeling a bit funny in the stomach. i tried to toughen up like a good princess, and since it was sunny outside (for once) i dressed miss a up (i love putting together cute outfits from her wardrobe) and took her down kings road for ice-cream. she's so adorable that strangers are constantly complimenting me on her and i have to say that i don't always admit to them that i'm just her nanny.    

when we arrived home i had to rush to the bathroom because something evil and sinister, vile, diabolically foul was brewing inside me and had to spontaneously explode its way out, by any means necessary. i've never vomited through my nose before. it was quite an experience...

in my intervals between bathroom runs, i lay curled up on the couch, groaning in pain, my stomach a tight fist, with miss a running around me chirping 'anna, come chase me! anna come dance with me! '... she followed me into the toilet 'anna's doing wee-wees again'.... 'no sweetie, this isn't wee-wees, i don't think you wanna see this''...

whilst staggering back to the couch, the vague stench of sour vomit hovering around me, my eyes two black holes in my yellow face, my phone began to ring. it was tina from playboy. 'congratulations on becoming a playboy bunny! you made it through the final casting!!'
with all my will i mustered up the strength to sound excited and happy... (of course today i was!!!)

miss a's mum came home early, sent me in a cab straight home to bed, where jerry took care of me, fed me yoghurt, patted my head and told me i'd be much better in the morning... which i was.

:o)

❤ emma charlotte

✩ thursday was the day of the final bunny casting! my aussie girlfriend leah arrived on the same day for an overnight visit on her way to paris, and it was lovely to see her again! she needed a gown for a ball and the dress i'd ordered last minute online for my bunny-casting had arrived big, baggy and saggy so i was very keen to accompany leah on a shopping spree down oxford street.

almost directly after leaving the house, the high heel snapped off one of my boots (previously believed to be chloe, but obviously not!) and as i hopped along through the crowds on oxford circus with one flat and one high-heeled boot, i wondered that my morning of small mishaps might be some sort of omen and that perhaps if i'd been superstitious and checked one of those chinese daily fortune almanacs it would have told me that the stars were not in alignment for my good fortune that day.... ahh, would i have similar bad luck with the bunny casting??! ...with the clock ticking til bunny time, my nerves began fraying at the edges and it took all my energy to not break down in a panic attack!

after rampaging all the dress shops along oxford and regent streets, leah finally found a stunning black gown and i a gorgeous little black mini frock, perfect for winning friends and influencing people...(fingers crossed)

back at home i got ready in record time, with the help of a hot iron and a straight shot of gin and i was off to the party in leicester square feeling ready to knock em dead. 50 pretty little potential bunnies and i gathered in the casino bar and tammy the mother bunny gave us a little speech of encouragement before we hit that cocktail bar to charm the socks of those 10 bosses. there was such high energy in the room that the entire 2 hours seem like one big blur now...

all i remember is feeling like a shark, in a sea of sharks, attacking those bosses, ripping them to shreds, cutting in on each other to savage the remains of their bloody corpses, grinning faces smeared with flesh, eyes wild with the thrill of the massacre. i dont know if i got through... there was some stiff competition... lovely bubbly creatures, cutesy blonde bombshells, amazonian models, latin beauties, some killer personalities, lots of very good sharks....

this time i'm not going to count my chickens. i was emailed by house of grazia on friday, who apologised that i hadn't made it through the final cut for the tv show, and though they'd loved me in the office, the TV channel decided in the end that my story didn't tie in with the other girls stories. obviously since i'd been led to believe i was through, that email felt like a fist grabbing my heart out of my chest. i was on the brink of tears all night at work, and only brought out of my misery by the exciting news that my most adored cousin donna had given birth to a baby girl!! from a gloomy depression i was lifted up to an ecstatic high, and all of a sudden i didn't care at all about tv shows, chloe boots or even bunnies...
welcome to the world emma charlotte!
xxx

♥ burlesque baby!

♥ lost in the cobbled back alleys of shoreditch, i wandered around in search of the venue for my burlesque class and found it just before my iphone's battery gave way and google maps disappeared. i'd forgotten my high heels and leggings at miss A's house and was forced to present myself to the first class in jeans and bare feet. some of the other girls had enthusiastically dolled themselves up in corsets, mini skirts and stay-up stockings and i felt like a real piker...

the teacher, milicent, was a lovely young thing; alabaster skin, red lips and dark hair swept up, wearing the most gorgeous velvet dress and vintage heels. she'd just gotten back from doing a show with deeta von teese and told us that burlesque has given her great traveling opportunities.

we spent the class prancing around in circles, kicking, spinning and dipping, while admiring ourselves in the wall to wall mirrors. she taught us the bump and grind, the kitten walk, the marylin monroe, the starlet pose, a feather boa dance, boob and bum shimmies and 5 ways to seductively remove your gloves with your teeth, your toes and your knees! she assured us that we would eventually learn hundreds of ways to remove gloves, and that we should all choose a favourite for our personal routines!

apparently by the second level, we should have an idea of what type of burlesque dancer we are, we will have created our own stage names and started putting together our own costume! but to begin with, lets master this bump and grind! i kept catching myself with a big silly grin on my face and then scanned the room to find that all the girls had them!

oh... what fun!! i can tell i'm gonna love it!

:o)

the invitation

 

❉ today in the mail arrived the official invitation for the playboy cocktail party and final casting. i was just as excited to receive that invitation as if it was a golden ticket in a Wonka bar. the chocolate factory would be cool, but more than anything else right now, more than the world, the whole world, wrapped up in my pocket (it's my bar of chocolate..give it to me now)... i just want to be a bunny!

meanwhile, jerry, who's aspiring to be a hotel manager, is studying his bum off to get through his uni degree and is working his way towards VIP area manager at the club. saturday night was his first night as 'VIP host' and he loved it! he was so cute at home, dressing up in the outfit he'd carefully planned; suit jacket and jeans with matching purple suspenders, handkerchief, socks and shoelaces, and he was so bubbly with excitement that it just warmed my heart!

he went back to sweden on sunday for 5 days and i miss him desperately already!!  he's taking his groomsmen to get all their wedding suits made and is under strict instructions to consult me before making any decisions. though i desperately wanted them all in white, he's insisting on them wearing some colour and i suppose i should settle down with the bridezilla thing and let him have some say in the design of our wedding...

i didn't know what to do with myself on sunday with him gone, which is an indication of our ridiculous co-dependency...and i know it's not jut me, because jerry refuses to even go to the supermarket downstairs without me and often asks me to hang out in the bathroom while he's taking a shower to keep him company... oh, its sweet really isn't it?!
so in his absence i've kept myself distracted with online shopping (i love you ASOS), long skype conversations to my peeps back home, and the gym.... my god, spinning is hard core! i nearly sweated to death on that bike, but i came out feeling like i'd had brand new batteries put in me...

tomorrow is my first burlesque dance class! i have no idea what to expect but i'm very excited. according to the website we must bring along long opera gloves, high heels that can be comfortably danced in, but no nipple tassels until the second level!! i shall keep you informed my dearies...

:o)