anxiety

the bar ❖



















































❖ since my documentary's gonna be on tv in less than 6 weeks, my mum's been pushing me to tell my story to magazines and newspapers...
to spark their interest, i had to write a short story myself and i was putting it off for so long, because even thinking about the bar in costa rica gives me anxiety.

as soon as i started writing, i was instantly transported to that time, and the panic flooded over me. its not that i regret the experience at all. it was one of the best in my life. but of course the magazines want to know all the gritty stuff- all the dramas, the hair-pulling and the nightmares...

i had to squeeze into my story the constant lack of money; the debt-collectors chasing us so that we had to lock ourselves into the bar during the day and ignore their knocking, the 4 maxed-out credit card debts which haunted us daily, the landlords at both the bar and our apartment hunting down back-rent which we couldn't pay (eventually we had to abandon our apartment and move in with my brother's girlfriend)......... then there was the accountant ripping us off, law-suit threats made against us, the alcoholic chef stealing from us, having to illegally send our passports to the border to get renewed, not knowing if they'd return, the municipality refusing to give us permission to open a few days before the grand opening night, then making us resubmit, resubmit and resubmit, the constant visits by police, sent by the jealous neighbouring bar, the flood caused by dodgy tradesmen, the sabotage to our car by attempting robbers, the ferocious arguments between my brother and i, who at times were close to disowning each other...... it goes on and on.

but of course there were the good times as well. nights when the bar was packed like sardines, and money was rolling in, there were the crazy parties, the romance, the friendships, the pride over how beautiful the bar was and the feeling of having succeeded in achieving our dream against all odds..... the tv show doesn't even really brush the surface of what happened. i think my brother plans to make a movie about the real story one day.....

♧