honey, did you go to college?

♧ i dreamt i was back on the cruise ship and that while anchored at a small port in france, the ship mysteriously turned over and sank. there were only 6 survivors and i was one of them, dragged onto a small rescue boat, wearing only a bikini and having lost every single thing i owned. i only had one suitcase of belongings but i was absolutely devastated for having lost it!

the dream reminded me of one of the VIP guests we had on board the first ship i worked on, who left with 21 suitcases! she ordered two limousines to pick her and her mother up at the port, one for them and the other for their luggage! she bragged to me that amongst that luggage was 70 new pairs of designer high heel shoes and 70 matching designer handbags, all bought throughout the cruise. and it was true.

every year marlene jones and her tiny old mother (also named marlene jones!) did the 110 day world cruise, staying in twin royal deluxe suites. they were old texas oil money, if i remember correctly, and she was a walking barbie-doll; bleached-blonde, solarium-tanned, gym-buff, with silicone boobs and so much botox in her face that she always carried around the same expression: that of flirty arrogance.

she drank martinis for breakfast, lunch and dinner, insisted on reserving the same table in the restaurant each night, despite the no-reservation policy and she also insisted on the same waiter, who she was screwing on the side, even when her 'boyfriend' came on board to visit. i spied her and the waiter walking through the snazzy shopping streets of saint barth's, arms full of designer shopping bags. he was a friend of mine and later told me that she'd handed him her american express card and said 'buy whatever you want'.

on my very first day of work, my colleague warned me 'be careful of marlene. she's such a princess, she thinks she owns the ship!' since my job as 'social hostess' meant i was expected to dine and drink with the guests each night, of course i couldn't refuse marlene's invitations. one night after dining with her party, we retired to the bar for a cocktail (or ten in her case). i told her i'd been living in costa rica the past year and she asked me if i spoke portuguese. 'no, they speak spanish in costa rica, and yes, i did learn a bit', i replied.
'honey, they speak portuguese!' she informed me, condescendingly, in her texan drawl. someone at the table had picked up an old magazine and began reading out the horoscopes. i made a casual remark about how reading old horoscopes is supposed to be bad luck, to which marlene scoffed 'how can it be bad luck if it's already happened?! ...honey, did you go to college?'
later that night i had to carry her bare-foot back to her suite because she was so drunk. she insisted so violently that i have a cigarette with her in her room that i almost did, even though i don't smoke. the next day she floated cockily around the ship as usual and not a word was spoken about the previous evening.

another night over cocktails, she told me that one day during college she felt sick and so her daddy sent a helicopter to pick her up.
im sure if marlene had been on the sinking ship in my dream she'd have been one of the survivors, and i doubt she'd have given a second thought to the loss of any one of her 21 suitcases.

:o)