christmas= presents

☆ ive been doing my christmas shopping online, trying to get into the christmas spirit, but with my bank balance on zero after this two-month non-working holiday, my christmas gift list has been rather un-festively cut down to just mum & dad and jerry. (sorry to anyone else who was expecting anything). jerry doesn't even like christmas and i had to force him to agree to buy me a present! ...what's christmas without presents?!?
i began thinking about the christmas presents i'd give if i was super rich....

jerry: an australian passport, a bentley, a pet monkey, a chocolate factory and an african safari trip (staying in one of those 5-star tents).

dad: 'the duke of bedford' title.
we had lots of royal and aristocratic guests on board the cruise ship, but i remember once there was a duke and duchess who, rumour had it, had bought their titles!! i never knew that was possible... apparently the titles came with the land and estate! my dad's been obsessed with the historical duke of bedford, (also called john russell) for years, after having the most bizarre and awesome recurring dreams about being him. it'd be pretty good brag-material having a dad who's a duke, and he'd make a good one...

mum: life membership to 'golden door 5-star health resort'.
not that she's sick or unhealthy at all. several years ago mum and i went together to do a week retreat at the 'golden door' (hidden away in the forested hills of queensland) and it changed our lives. from tai-chi at sunrise on the mountaintop, each day was filled with amazing detox activities, exercise classes, meditations, yoga, pilates, water aerobics, bushwalking, tango and belly dance classes, and interesting lectures all hosted by the most positive and motivational people, interspersed with delicious gourmet organic unprocessed meals and then heavenly full-body massages in the spa. i'd go back once a year if i could.

brothers:
joe: australian passports for his girlfriend and daughter (with a discount for being such a good customer) so they can move back to Oz, and a beautiful big house to move into.
samuel: shit, what do you give someone who already has everything? ...a ferrari? that'll have to do him. no wait a second. how much is a trip to the moon these days? $100 million? that's pretty cool but might have to be a joint present...

friends and cousins: all inclusive holidays to Åre, sweden....to come visit me of course!!! ok, thats a bit of a selfish present but it's sure to be better than any present they'd give me...

...it might happen one day. but this year peace, love and friendship will have to suffice.

♡